Outside the Line of My Comfort Zone

Ok, so my previous post was about the reset button, about starting over fresh every day. In that post I talked a little bit about the universe or God giving us hints. Well sometimes those hints get so loud it feels like the universe is screaming at us, giving us direction since we are failing to “get it” on our own.

For me the last week or so has been that way. It might just be my subconscious going into overdrive lately because as with most people, I’m afraid of dying, but not for the obvious reasons. I am afraid because though I have been alive for a while, I haven’t fully lived. There is SO much I want to do and I’m wasting this time I was given not doing it.

Yes sitting behind a cubicle helping people with their insurance, and helping my co-workers so they can also actually help people too is important but in the end not to me and my growth. I’ve come as far as I can in this endeavor, learned as much as I can, gained as much from the experience as there is for me. Now I’m on the hamster wheel, just doing the rounds.

So, instead of being upset with the company that bought us out and then in turn is making it nearly impossible for me to do my job the right way. I am going to say thank you for the big nudge that I needed to see that it IS actually time to move on. Get off the merry-go-round and find something new to feed my intellect, tickle my imagination, and nourish my soul. Or at the very least give me some NEW experiences.

When the universe is shouting at you, you really should listen. And when it’s saying, “Live! Don’t keep letting the opportunities pass you by.” You have to really take stock of yourself and realize comfortable isn’t always good.

My goal is to live life just outside the line of my comfort zone!

Restless

I need change often or I get restless. Here is the result of today's restlessness.

The new do.

Reset Button

Yesterday I was thinking about my life and how things haven’t quite gone the way I planned. A single line of lyrics came to mind. “I’m forgiving what I’ve done.” Pretty powerful line. How many of us can say that? We might ask forgiveness from those we’ve wronged, from the universe and from God but how often do we forgive ourselves?

Today while I was getting ready, the song the Lyric belongs to came on and it struck me. I believe sometimes the universe, or in my case since I believe in God, God gives you little hints to show you what you need. Often times we don’t even realize what the problem is and that is where these little hints come in so handy.

I didn’t realize the problem was me. I feel guilty for all the things that I feel like I can’t control so I either do nothing or I continue to do the things that are making me feel bad. But today armed with the little epiphany I received I’ve realized I need to forgive what I have done, then I can move on.

During this moment of clarity I also realized, every day is like a fresh, clean start. A reset button, if you will. Each day I can let go of my fears that I’ll never write another book as good as the one I recently finished. It wasn’t a fluke, I worked hard and though each new one will be different, if I work just as hard they will be amazing. And if not I get to try again with the next.

Also, I can keep my house clean, write, commute and work a full time job and find time for a life. I just need to accept that I can’t do it all every day but in bits and pieces. It’s far less overwhelming that way. And most importantly, if I make a mistake I just need to dust myself off and remember that somewhere in the night someone hits the reset button and tomorrow is a new chance to do it better.

Dear Lucky Agent Contest on GLA

I love Writer's Digest. They are such an amazing resource for writers new and established. If you don't subscribe you should. At the very least you should be following them on twitter @WritersDigest - they tweet much useful information for us fledgling writers.

One such thing is the GLA - Guide to Literary Agents blog - which is having a contest. Yay! Who doesn't love a contest? They are such great opportunities for us writers. Often they offer things we could never get without, such as a critique from an agent. (priceless!) The contest that prompted this post is free! Yay! We all love free!

PRIZES!!!

Top 3 winners all get: 1) A critique of the first 10 pages of your work, by your agent judge. 2) A free one-year subscription to WritersMarket.com.

It's judged by Roseanne Wells is a literary agent at the Marianne Strong Literary Agency.

Here's the link if you are a sci-fi or fantasy writer with a completed manuscript. (adult or YA - no MG) http://www.guidetoliteraryagents.com/blog/Dear+Lucky+Agent+Contest+Fantasy+And+SciFi.aspx

GO. ENTER! Today is the last day!

Funny things happen when someone besides you cares about your work.

Ok, so I’m not a published author. Yet! But I have let one of my babies out for more than just betas to critique and the response has been far better than I expected. It isn’t the first time I’ve given up copies of one of my works to readers in hope of a response that will help me grow as a writer but it is the first time that everyone has finished reading one and the response has been very positive.

Now that doesn’t mean there wasn’t feedback that caused me have to do more work. I had such great responses from everyone and they were all the same. “Give me more!” Yes that is an explanation point at the end of that quote and it is placed correctly because they were all enthusiastic about this request. So I did the part that isn’t nearly as fun for me, I went back and I re-read and I noted up my copy with places and things I could add to give them what they were asking for.

A funny thing happened though, when other people started to care about my work. It scared me. Before there were no expectations, there was no one that I had to answer to. Yes I did write with the hope of being published and knew that I would have people to answer to if that ever happens but at the time I was writing only for me.

Now when I try to write a follow up book I have all these people in my head. My readers, the agents who will read the revised version, and I worry about whether I’ll be able to deliver on the magic that they felt. Will the characters be true to the people they fell in love with and are so invested in?

It’s a little paralyzing to worry about so many people and I realized today that I’m just scared. Scared, not of failing but succeeding. I know that the book is special to me, whether or not it will be special to anyone else. The answer to that is already yes. Not everyone is going to love my book. I have no fantasy of that but there will be some and if I believe and keep trying, hopefully one of those people will be an agent who will be wildly enthusiastic about it.

So I’m going to set aside all those people in my head except the ones who want me to tell their story and I’m going to sit down and tell it for them and for me. The rest will fall in line.

Don’t give up, don’t back down.

I work for an insurance administrator. What that means is that I interpret insurance contracts all day long and either; 1) explain them to members or providers so they understand the benefits, or 2) check out claims people call with questions on and make sure they are processed correctly.

If they are not processed the way I interpret the benefits then I send them back to the examiner to correct them. Sometimes I have to fight with them to make them see things the way I do. It can get very frustrating and some people might give up or be influenced to see the way the examiner has interpreted the plan.

Occasionally I am wrong and I can see that when my request is rejected with an explanation as to why. Often though I am right and because I’m passionate about helping people, but more than that, I’m good at what I do. When I know I’m right I fight for it.

Life is kind of the same way. Often times we let what other people say or think influence us into believing other people’s interpretation of something is correct. Sometimes it is, but life, unlike an insurance claim, isn’t usually black and white. Even if someone’s view is right it doesn’t always mean it is right for our situation.

The point of this post is that sometimes in spite of what other people say, even people who really know what they are talking about. If you’ve weighed a situation, taken the comments of others and truly reflected on them and you still feel strongly about something. Sometimes you just have to let that passion take you where it will, you have to fight. And sometimes you win.

Those kinds of wins are often the most rewarding.